Somewhere in Between | Life Lately

Sunday, October 21, 2018

Somewhere in between is what I constantly crave but so rarely have a chance to enjoy --  solitude. It is in between the hectic business of my every day life at work and at home. I do not know how to categorize this post but I think "somewhere in between" perfectly captures where I am at the moment -- from the state of exhaustion to finding the rest and quiet that I am looking for in the simplest of moments.

It feels like each day I am always in the state of exhaustion. I envy people with unending supply of energy. Those who can put in 40 hours of work during the work week then get up early on Saturday morning to explore, hike, attend events then continue to meet friends on Sundays. Even if I do have the energy, I am not designed to be surrounded by so much activities and people. Solitude for me is as important as air. Without it, I will just be existing but not breathing. 

I realize though that I am exhausted because I really do a lot on weekdays -- Monday to Friday. I am non-stop. I get up at 6:30 am. I enjoy my morning walk to the train station. Fall mornings are  my most favorite mornings. I look forward to walking in the neighborhood with the pumpkins and Halloween decorations on the neighbors' gardens most especially when it gets dark. At 9 am, after I drink my coffee and eat a pastry or eggs, then the entire day is a blur of meetings with clients and my staff. I am always hypervigilant and in-charge. As much as I promise myself that I will take my hour lunch to read or explore San Francisco (which is a great place for city adventures even for locals), I never get to do it. I eat my lunch, though, in my office, or really inhaling it. I read on my way to and from work, get home at 7 pm to cook, take a quick shower, eat dinner with Mr Sweetie while we watch our shows, go to bed between 9 pm - 10 pm and pass out after few minutes. Repeat -- Monday to Friday. 

I also realize that even though my days are so packed, on weekdays are also when my social life happens. While others meet up with friends on the weekends, I get to meet  my friends for lunch or a quick museum visit although not often but when I do I really enjoy those moments. I am still connected with them via texts. BFF and I exchange  messages that get me through the week. My workplace is also very fun place to work for. We have lots of events that celebrate each season and the diversity of San Francisco. Our suite celebrates birthdays and throw surprise parties. Co-workers often bring delicious treats. Currently, we have a pumpkin contest. Co-workers are work friends. And being in San Francisco is buzzy in a good and enjoyable way as well as exhausting and trying way -- because it is San Francisco with its politics, extreme poverty manifested in homelessness and ironically, disposable wealth. 

Being   pain free for 2 weeks following therapy made me feel normal again after years of dealing with chronic backache that gets worse every year. I stopped going to therapy then the pain came back again. I scheduled to go back again on Monday.

Saturday mornings are what I really look forward to each week. It is a mix bag of guilt, comfort, contentment, laziness and joy. Every Saturday I cook brunch for myself and Mr Sweetie. It brings me joy to see him devour what I cook for him -- fried potatoes, loaded egg and cheese omelet, turkey sausage, toasts with strawberry jam and butter.  I equally sigh in pleasure as I brew a pot of coffee, take my first sip and drink a couple of cups with my crunchy sunny-side up egg and buttered toasts with jam.  We do this in our pj's while watching Dateline and other shows that he recorded,  followed by house chores while he watches TV.  Then I join him while he naps and I get to catch up on reading and posting blogs. This is bliss! And this is the reason why we do not get to do what I feel like we should be doing -- going on a weekend country drive, go hiking, attend fairs, etc. At around late afternoon, we get ready to go out to dinner. Then we go back home to watch a movie or our shows until midnight or 1 am.  Two things are constant during our Saturdays -- brunch in our pj's and date nights. 

Sundays are an all day affair. The day starts with me getting up at  8 am, an hour drive at 9 am and church at 10 am until past noon. Church is followed by fellowship then  shopping, followed by late lunch at my brother and sister in law's house then grocery shopping. I get home at around 6 pm then I cook dinner. Needless to say, my heart is flowing with joy when I get to worship and see my family but there is also no rest on Sundays. 

It feels that I never get enough sleep and rest. Mr Sweetie is just not a good sleeper. When your sleep partner does not sleep, you also do not sleep. It feels as if I only sleep well enough once a week which is on Fridays where I can sleep in on Saturdays until my body tells me that I have had enough which is usually until 10 am at the latest. Then brunch in our pj's happen. And which probably explains why we do not go anywhere on Saturdays until dinner time.

I should really entitle this as "falling and cooking".  Here is why -- I got a rare weekend by myself a couple of weeks ago when Mr Sweetie was away on a business trip from Friday evening to Sunday morning. As much as I enjoy our moments together, I was really looking forward to my solo moments of eating a light dinner, drinking wine, reading on Friday evening and driving to the ocean on Saturday, then another solo evening by myself. Then I tripped and fell on my way home on  Friday night after staying out to do some fall shopping at Crate and Barrel and Bath and Bodyworks for candles. It was a bad fall that resulted in chipped front tooth, bleeding lips and knees, and a minor concussion. Thank God that there was all to it as I was alone. 

I spent staying at home although I braved going grocery shopping in the morning. I spent the entire weekend cooking recipes for the first time such as making steamed pork dumplings and baking puff pastries with cheese and pasta sauce (like pizza). I also made rice porridge to pair up with the dumplings.  And the rest of the time posting my Chicago pictures. The good thing that came out of it was I was forced to stay home to rest because I could not go anywhere, not even to church that weekend. The following week I cooked spaghetti as a treat for Mr Sweetie and I cooked Dragon Noodles for the first time and it was a success!

Just yesterday, while I was trying to transfer my photos to cloud, I lost all the photos that I took of the food that I cooked on that weekend, photos of family lunch party while my parents were visiting, few weeks worth of date night photos, pictures of my trip to Chicago last month and New Orleans in June! Thank God for pictures on my phone and that I already wrote about Chicago. I got to save most of the family lunch photos and 98 percent of New Orleans but I still lost some. Oh, well, at least they were not super-important events. Just make new memories, I guess and take more photos.

My house is decorated and cozy with nice smelling pumpkin spice candles and wall plug-ins from Bath and Body Works, fluffy blankets all around, mini-pumpkins all over the house, Halloween decors such a plush black kitty, my Halloween Barbie, owls and fairy lights. The patio has the big and small pumpkins, time-operated candles, wreath and fairy lights.

I donated more books and clothes. I also cleaned out my cupboards and got rid of expired canned goods, grains, pastas, condiments, etc. Now my cupboard is filled with good stuff and I am ready to cook more!

Surprisingly, with my super-busy schedule, I just finished reading a book, a real one on paper and not Kindle "The City Baker's Guide To Country Living". It was such a delicious fall and holiday read about a city pastry chef starting over at an apple orchard and living in a cottage by the woods where she bakes pies and cookies for work and to relieve stress. It covers all the seasons but focuses on coziness of fall and winter. I have two more fall reads that are waiting for me. I post about books that I read @cozybaylife on IG.

  • Reading "real" books.
  • Trying new recipes.
  • Cleaning out my kitchen cupboard.
  • Eating more home cooked meals and losing a pound in the process! A pound is a pound most especially if it is staying off the scale! 

What I really need:
  • Days like today, Sunday, where I skipped church because I really needed the rest. As much as I love going to church and do not like missing it, I know that God also prescribes rest for the body and soul. 
  • Moments like today to write and express.
  • Sleep more which I am going to get when I go to New York in couple of weeks for work. 
  • To bake and cook more. 
  • More days living in my pj's.
  • Do holiday stuff with Mr Sweetie after I come back from New York much as we want to live in our pj's on Saturdays.
  • To really work on hiring more people to help me as my work is supporting me to do because...........
  • As much as I have traveled a lot for work this year (Philadelphia, New Orleans, Chicago and New York in 2 weeks), I really, really need a vacation with Mr Sweetie -- somewhere far and exotic next year. 
  • To take a break this holiday even for just two days. 
  • Schedule a day of rest just like how I schedule important meetings and events on my calendar. 
Thank you for reading. 

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